you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
