I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My dick has a subreddit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
