Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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