i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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