I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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