That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
