last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
