youre lurking in front of me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
