and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
