just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
