At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
