i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
