The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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