Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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