I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
