I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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