If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
