So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
