...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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