We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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