This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
