I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
