I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
