How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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