I faked an abortion last night.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
