do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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