Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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