Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
