how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
