Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
