Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
