You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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