I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
