I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
