I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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