...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
