we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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