someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
