If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
