he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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