I just pynch a tree in the face
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
