reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
