You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do herpes really smell.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
