I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
