Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
