Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
