So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
