I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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