Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
