You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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