Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
