I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
